Annual Limerick Contest

Location: AuGres, Michigan

The below was received by me today, and I will repeat it here.
Dearest Poets:

This year our humble contest attracted 38 poets who submitted 51 limericks, most by hard copy. The winning writers are listed below along with their limericks. You are forewarned that some of these "poems" are decidedly off-color so, unless you are a confirmed pervert, you might want to just delete this now. Read on only at the peril of your eternal damnation.

Winners will separately each be receiving two tickets to "An Evening with the Irish." They will be expected to show up on Irish Night next Wednesday at the State Theatre to endure public humiliation and receive their additional token prizes.

Thank you for entering our contest. If you did not win you should take comfort in the sure knowledge that our judges are illiterate idiots. For the same reason you winners should not be too proud of yourselves. We hope you will enter again next year.

Mac Quinn

Third Place winner--Ryan O'Donnellan

The bald little man gave his greeting
At the Flashers' Anonymous meeting
With an open-coat wave
He showed off his clean shave
And then asked with a wink for his beating.

Second Place winner--Joseph Bilodeau

Al Gore to the podium darted,
Said, "The melting of the glaciers has started,
We must get off our asses,
Eliminate gasses,"
But as he departed, he farted.

First Place winner--Nick Starkweather

There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose sculptures by most were thought hideous,
He carved Aphrodite
Without even a nightie,
Which shocked all the fastidious.

Grand Prize winner--Chrystal Harmon
(Those of you who are not Bay Cityans are advised that this was inspired by a pending local criminal case concerning a poor fellow fond of dead animals and was found demonstrating that affection near a local elementary school.)

The students heard Ronald Kuch moan
And beneath him a dead dog was prone.
When the children beseeched her
Said the quick-witted teacher:
"He's just giving the doggy a bone!"

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Annual Limerick Contest